Nightmares

I didn't know the obstacles when I met them. At the time it was merely my life, my journey. Looking back, the trip to my beginning was long and rough. In the moment though, I thought only of acheiving a balance.
In recounting my life, the stories I would rather forget, the memories have begun to resurface. Not just fleeting, in the back of my mind, but in my nights, in my dreams.
My life, for all new people I meet has only lasted the past 52 months. Just shy of four and a half years. The trials and hurdles in that time are enough, the kinds of things I have found that most people understand. A disagreement with a family member, job changes, school. I have protected myself from the pity. From people wanting to treat me differently because of some perceived injustice. I believe life happens for a reason. Many times over, the worry over my life ending had been put before my eyes, making all else seem rather insignificant. If people asked about the me before Florida, I gave them some tiny, sugar-coated bit condensed into a couple breaths. No more. Never any more.
No one other person knows the whole story. It is only together on these pages.
Exposure is scary. When it exists beyond just my mind, then it becomes real, I can't pretend that it didn't happen to me. I must acknowledge my own past.
Thankfully. The months and years after my chaotic arrival to Florida have steadily improved and have generally made up for my past. I have begun to learn trust and being open. Lessons that had to be taught to me. I had to begin to realize that not everyone was a threat and I could relax around others. Let my guard down. Let people in. I have found a safe place, a place where everything seems to be balanced and no trouble is really all that big.