Like it's not bad enough the poor kid was born with a cleft lip and palate. At least he doesn't know any different and by the time he's old enough to know any different, it will be all fixed.
He looked perfectly perfect to me when he was born, I really didn't understand why he couldn't room-in, why he had to stay in the nursery. I had started to get past that, started to realize that maybe the doctors didn't see it in the ultrasounds for a reason. I'm a control freak and kids do tend to be beyond control.
And now this. I really thought he was dying. Already gone. I thought I was losing my baby right before my eyes. I couldn't even be spared the trauma of witnessing it. In a split second I looked down and he was blue. It was all wrong. I panicked.
I feel like it's all my fault. I wanted this. Him. He was my choice and now everything that was so good in my life has changed. But now I know who my friends aren't. And are I suppose. I just want him to be happy and healthy and never experience the bad I have seen.
A story in progress
