Real Education

“When the student is ready, the master appears." ~ Buddhist Proverb

I have learned much about who I am and what I am capable of through education. It seems that we as a society have moved to a place where education, especially higher education, is something to be gotten over with, a means to an end, instead of a journey and an experience in its own right. For me, when the time came to continue my education, I was doing it to please others, but by the time I finished, I was doing it to please me.

From start to finish, I have been under the instruction of over six dozen teachers. Most of which were burnt out school-marmish women who had long since tired of their professions and were holding out for retirement. This was not the reflection of a certain particular school or area, by my high school graduation I had attended eight different schools in four different school districts and with each move it became easier to just slip through the cracks and give a minimal performance.

Early on, teachers seemed to be aware of my potential. I was given various tests and provided with outside resources meant for gifted children and that was all fun until I was booted out of the program in middle school. After that it became comfortable being able to exert little to no effort and make a minimally passing grade.

I left the mandatory public education system lost. I didn't know who I was or where my life was going. I had managed to leave school without having any friends or any form of network to rely on. Which left me very much alone.

Four years after leaving high school, I entered college. On paper it doesn't sound like a great length of time, but in reality, I was being sized up against my peers from high school who were at the same time graduating with their bachelor degrees. I was, according to my mother, behind the game and needed to put in the extra effort to catch back up. I started with all of the normal classes and continued my tradition of just doing enough to get by and most of the time it seemed to work. I also continued with making as little contact with everyone else as possible.

It was at this point in my education I began to learn about myself. I began to discover who I really was and how unhappy I had been.

Danish

I come from a large extended family. Each generation before mine had a half dozen kids or more and shared a similarity in heritage. I am both fourth and fifth generation Danish-American which doesn't sound like much really, but to me it's something. From Denmark, each family settled in Wisconsin and Minnesota which is still predominantly Danish. I have been there once or twice and it seems so natural to be in these areas where I blend in and people share a certain culture even if they don't understand why.

On Her Birthday

It's my mother's birthday today. I know because she texted me earlier reminding me. I'm not a horrible daughter, I did send a card as I do every year, mailed it with my brother's two weeks ago.

I saw a picture of her recently, in the new church directory and realized that it's the first time there has been a formal picture taken of her with no kids in very nearly 25 years. The two boys were off at work or doing whatever it is they do and S and I were in our own picture on another page. At first I totally missed the picture. I had to go back through and search for it. It seemed a bit odd like that, just the two of them.

And then it began to sink in that maybe she noticed too and just maybe this is some of the problem recently. In a couple months time I will turn 25 and 4 months after that I'll be married. It's a bit scary to think about.